Counseling: Learn Better Ways to Live

Counseling: Learn Better Ways to Live

Does your life seem like a never ending uphill trek?

Am I Making My Life More Difficult?

We have the power to utilize our problems as opportunities to learn to live in better ways. When life relentlessly throws obstacles in our paths we can review what motivates our actions.  How we might be creating some of these difficulties in life. An honest examination of what is going on and the associated feelings might point to coping behaviors learned in childhood that no longer work.

The compulsive need to assign blame, re-experience hurts, and examine damages points to the deep fear imprinted from growing up in a dysfunctional household.  The chaos of dysfunction created apprehension. Living with an undercurrent of fear of rejection or abandonment the child does what he or she can to overcome insecurity, to have a sense of control, and feel safe. Shame occurs when the child has a sense that her or his small steps are not good enough to meet the demands of caregivers. The root of perfectionism can be found here.  Hyper-vigilance,  self-criticism, and fearful compensatory task management push the child to first self-punish in the illusion that this will circumvent punishment from others.

Counseling Can Help You Release the Beast of Shame

Carrying these coping strategies into adulthood impairs our ability to thrive in the present. Guilt teaches us that we have done something against our value system.  Once we have learned, guilt has served its purpose. Shame’s only purpose is to make us feel bad about who we are inherently. Owning the choice to learn from guilt and release shame gives freedom from the grip of the past.

A first step is to become aware that we have refused to accept life as it is. Surrendering to the fact that we are not in control of life is essential for growth.  We do have the power to choose willingness and to think before reacting.  We can choose to live by what we believe is right rather than by the fear of what might be lost. Letting go of self-pity and resentments is empowering. As adults, we can accept the futility of attempting to control the possibility of rejection or abandonment. The energy bound to the past is now released for living in the present.  We receive relief.

Accepting Awareness of Life

Life will improve when we view the world through compassionate eyes of concern, kindness and love. Living in the past deprives us from the joys available in the moment.  It is easier to deal with the moment by choosing to accomplish a specific task. Stop procrastinating and make plans to improve life. Imagination is a powerful tool. Envision the best with understanding that we do not get to determine results. We can control our attitude, our pace, whether to stay if a situation is enjoyable or leave if it is not right.  Look silly, take a smile break, and shift your focus from the future or the past to your life that is happening right now.

Aye Aye

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore,                                                                                                                      we are saved by love.”    Rheinhold Niebuhr

Keep learning how to live!

Cindi Leveridge MA, LPC

Wake Up to Joy Counseling