Leave past dysfunction in the past

Leave past dysfunction in the past

Growing up with preoccupied parents results in learning to watch out for what the parent needs rather than having your own needs met.  Hyper-vigilant assessment of the expectations of others and making efforts to please, often at your own expense, is the rule.   You learn to accept unacceptable behavior, even your own. The seeds of mistrust are sown in unpredictability, denial, and the limited communication of dysfunctional families. You learn to doubt your own perceptions when what is happening around you is negated. You learn to manipulate for attention, acceptance, love and settle for less than you need.

As a child without defense, escape, or supportive guidance, you feel like you deserve what comes your way. Feeling like the abuse or neglect is your fault does provide a skewed sense of control as you might have some power to avoid harm or make the situation better. Patterns of self-sabotage result from the fear, feelings of inherent worthlessness, and hurt of conditional love. A real fear of failure can develop when you were never taught that mistakes are part of learning. You might find that even simple decisions throw you off. Saying no might be difficult. You might overcompensate in perfectionism to ward off the vulnerability of failure.

Tremendous energy is expended disguising or trying to get rid of inadequacies. Positive qualities within go unrecognized and others are blamed for unhappiness. Making others wrong in an unwillingness to face denials is a self-created trap often experienced as depressed mood or anxiety. Your words have power and your body believes what you say. You can stop scaring yourself with worry and use your wonderful imagination to create a fantasy to enjoy.

You cannot go back and fix the past, but you can face it and heal. Recognize that everyone acts with the awareness they possess at that moment and feel the connection of our common human frailties and strengths. Disrupt and deflate your inner critic, you are worthy.  Embrace your rejected parts to integrate weaknesses and gain the self-acceptance that brings what once was made wrong in ourselves into the light.  Reclaim the power given away in the need for approval from others.  Say yes to releasing judgment and roll with the truth of what is.

It takes courage to defy old ways of being. The training and experience of a professional counselor can provide life improving counseling counselor san marcos texasskills.

 

 

 

 

 

Cindi Leveridge, MA, LPC       www.wakeuptojoy.net

Wake Up to Joy Counseling

705 W. Hopkins St.      San Marcos, TX  78666

Phone:  512-766-1736

Fax: 855-231-7980

cindi@wakeuptojoy.net

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