Possessiveness

Possessiveness

What about possessiveness? What can a person do when captive to jealousy?

Start within.

Jealousy

Intense jealousy is a form of anger about not feeling good enough. We make cruel comparisons and threats to ourselves. Feeling unworthy of love and lacking trust in self obliterates the possibility of loving or trusting someone else. We attract another person with this sense of lack in our scramble for reassurance. The hope we call love rests on an alter of fear. Possessiveness is a control tactic to alleviate fear of losing our source.

Kindness and Respect

Each of us needs acceptance and appreciation. If you feel possessive, know that you feel threatened. Pause, breathe, give your brain the oxygen it needs to think clearly. Do not try to solve any problems while you are upset. Once you have calmed, look into your heart to understand what it is you really need at this moment. Give yourself the kindness and respect you desire. Give your partner kindness and respect. Clarify mutual needs and establish boundaries that take them into consideration. Prioritize being honest and maintaining honest communication.

Blaming someone else for your state of mind gives away your power. It is worth the trouble to get to know your values, to trust your judgment and feel worthwhile. Find out if your partner shares your values and stand up for your truth. Sidestepping conflict to avoid rejection or anger is a manipulative strategy that fuels resentment, humiliation and sometimes rage. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. Giving in to demands that are not in your best interest is not being a nice person. If boundaries cannot be respected , it might be time to end the relationship.  Remember that love comes from within so it cannot be lost.

 

Cindi Leveridge, MA, LPC 

 

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